


Clean

by SakuraBlossomStorm



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Cheating Fic, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Infidelity, Not A Happy Ending, Older Man/Younger Woman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 06:14:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13496456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraBlossomStorm/pseuds/SakuraBlossomStorm
Summary: She was like a drug. A drug he couldn’t quit. And like an addict hooked, it was leaving a wake of destruction in his path. Ben knew what he had to do. He had to get clean.





	Clean

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Enjoy some angsty bullshit that came out of nowhere when I was in Australia! 
> 
> Heavily influenced by Taylor Swift's song, Clean.

He first met her at Burleys.

Ben was just finishing the last of his third beer when she walked in, giggling and smiling as she made her way towards the bar with her friends.

It was obvious she was underage, not by much, maybe only a year or so. But it amazed him how she managed to fool the bouncer at the door. He watched as she leaned against the bar on her tippy toes as she decided what to drink.

He turned back to his colleague, who had just put a new beer in front of him. It was a Tuesday, and they were blowing off some steam after cracking a hard case at work. He was there with three others, and was drifting in and out of the conversations.

Ben looked at his phone. Two texts from Samantha.

_“Going to be home late again. There’s so much to do in the office.”_

_“I’m sorry, I love you, baby. Treat yourself to a calzone on me.”_

He sighed. Samantha was a workaholic, and when she got in the zone it was hard to drag her away from the office. It didn’t help that she worked for one of the most prestigious law firms in Indianapolis, while he worked for a small accounting group in Pawnee. There were many nights like this, where Ben would go to the bar with his work friends for an hour or so, then go back to an empty house, waiting for Samantha to come back.

She usually came in just after 11 whenever she worked late, and would re-heat the dinner that Ben always left for her, she’d eat quickly and then slink under the covers, cuddling against Ben and mumbling goodnight to him.

He tried to look at the positives. At least he could get another beer here and relax for a while. But in reality, it wanted to be home with his fiancé, and try to be intimate. 

It had been almost a month of no sex, and Ben was getting frustrated. There was only so much that his right hand could do.

An hour or so later and his friends left for the evening, each of them going home to their respected partners. Ben was still around, something keeping him here. He knew it was probably down to the fact that he didn’t want to spend another evening alone again. Here, there were people. People who didn’t know who he was or speak to him, but at least they were here.

He left the table and walked over to the bar. Maybe one of the girls behind the bar would strike up a conversation with him in hopes of getting a big tip. It was still better than going home.

Ben sat down at the bar and ordered another beer. That’s when he felt something brush against his shoulder.

He turned to see the same petite blonde woman from earlier. She looked a little drunk, but not as bad as some of the people here. 

“Sorry,” she squeaked as she pushed herself up on the stool. “These are too high for me.”

“It’s cool,” Ben said, waving her off. “Having a good night?”

The woman nodded. “Yeah, it’s my friend’s birthday. We’re having so much fun.”

“I’m glad,” Ben said, hands running down to his wallet. He signalled the bartender over again. “What are you all drinking over there?”

The girl looked startled. “Um…anything really. I like the pina coladas here.”

Ben nodded, and turned to the bartender. “Send a round of pina coladas over to that table there?” Ben asked, gesturing to where her friends were.

The girl gasped. “Really? Are you sure?”

“Of course,” Ben said with a small smirk. “I’m feel generous tonight.”

A soft smile spread across the girl’s face. “What’s your name?”

“Ben.”

“I’m Leslie,” she said, stretching her hand out.

Ben studied her as he shook her hand. There was something about her. The way her curled hair gathered around her shoulders, and the faint smell of vanilla that hadn’t left Ben’s nose since Leslie arrived. 

So much for the beer being intoxicating.

The bartender handed Leslie her cocktail, and took a tray to her friends. Leslie looked down at it, and then back at Ben. 

“I think I’ll drink this here, if that’s ok with you?”

“Sure,” Ben said, and Leslie smiled. “How old is your friend?”

“21.”

“That’s a good birthday,” Ben said.

“Yeah…I’m excited for mine.”

“You aren’t 21?” Ben asked, turning to her. He knew it already, she didn’t look it. But he almost wanted the confirmation. Something that would be a deal breaker. 

Leslie flushed. “I’m…21.”

“No you’re not.”

Leslie swallowed. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Do I look like a snitch?” Ben smirked. 

Leslie giggled. “No, but I guess it’s on you now. You did just buy an underage girl a drink.”

“Fine, I guess we’ve both done something wrong then,” Ben quipped, lifting up his beer bottle and clinking it with Leslie’s glass. “So how old are you, then?”

“20. But I’m 21 in two months,” Leslie replied.

She sipped her drink, and Ben’s eyes dropped down, scanning her all over. She was 20. He was over 10 years older than her. He should not be looking at her like that. 

The alcohol, however, started to mar the shame he felt.

~~

Ben hadn’t been at a dorm room in years. He was probably the oldest person there.

That didn’t matter, because he currently had Leslie underneath him, squirming and begging him for more.

Leslie’s bed creaked as Ben moved up her body. He rolled the condom on and pushed into her.

It was heavenly. Ben had to take a moment to catch his breath as he moved inside her. It had been so long since he’d felt the warmth of another woman clenched around his dick.

Leslie panted as he began to thrust his hips. She clawed at his back and whimpered. Ben could feel sweat trickling down his forehead as his thrusts sped up. His balls started to tighten, and he reached down, finding Leslie’s clit and rubbing it.

In that moment, nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter that Ben had a fiancé working hard at her desk. It didn’t matter that he proposed to her almost a year ago, fully prepared to love no one else but her. Right now, all that mattered was Leslie, clenching around his dick and screaming loudly.

Ben felt his own release not far after. He was careful not to crush her as he felt the muscle in his arms weaken, until he couldn’t hold himself up anymore. 

He rolled off, almost slipping off her tiny bed, but managed to keep himself steady. Leslie immediately curled up to his side.

“I don’t usually do this,” Leslie mumbled into his arm.

“Do what? Go home with guys in bars?”

“Go home with engaged guys in bars,” Leslie said, a sadness to her voice.

Ben sighed. Suddenly, he remembered Samantha, and a horrible guilt crept inside of him.

~~

“Hey.”

Ben heard the quiet voice behind him. He turned over a little to see Samantha crawl into bed. Her long dark hair looked tousled, like she’d been running her hands through it. She did that when she was stressed.

“I’m sorry I was late again,” she sighed as she pulled the covers up to her chest. “There was this big case and everyone was going crazy about it.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m the worst girlfriend ever.”

Ben swallowed and wrapped his arm around her waist. “No. You’re just busy at work, it’s fine.”

Samantha managed a small smile and lay down. “I’ll make it up to you soon, I promise.”

Ben heard that promise a lot. “I know, Sam,” he mumbled.

She fell asleep quite quickly, obviously exhausted, and was breathing softly against Ben’s shoulder. But he couldn’t sleep. He was thinking about Leslie.

He shouldn’t be, but she had occupied an area of his brain that was hard to ignore. Images from before flickered through his mind. Her smile, her pinned underneath him, her crying out his name while she bit her lower lip.

It was wrong. So wrong. And even at the end of it they both agreed that this was a one time thing, and Ben left without exchanging numbers. She knew he was engaged, and apparently she was kind of seeing someone at college.

Neither of them were happy, and that’s what attracted them to each other. Just to get that fleeting moment of happiness, even if it meant betraying the ones close to them.

~~

It had been two weeks since he saw Leslie.

Two more frustrating weeks with no sex. Samantha was still working hard, Ben walked downstairs one night to get a glass of water to see her slumped over the kitchen table, her laptop keyboard acting as a pillow. 

He shouldn’t be mad at her, he knew that. But he couldn’t help it. This wasn’t the first time that this had happened. He and Samantha got into so many arguments in the past, and nothing had ever been resolved. In the end, Ben just let her work herself into misery, and waited for her to realise what she was doing.

It was another evening, and Ben had received another text from Samantha telling him not to wait up for her. He went to the store to find something for dinner instead.

He was looking at the frozen food, debating whether or not to buy ice cream, when he absentmindedly pushed his cart forward. There was a soft clunk, and a squeak.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”

The hairs on the back of Ben’s neck stood up. He knew that voice. That voice cried out his name two weeks ago.

He looked up and, sure enough, it was Leslie.

Her eyes widened as she notices him. “Ben! Um…hi! What are you doing here? Stupid question, you’re doing what everyone goes to grocery stores for.”

Ben smirked. “Yep. Just debating whether or not to buy ice cream.”

“Oh, you should get it. Get the chocolate fudge flavour,” Leslie said.

“I prefer strawberry cheesecake flavour personally,” he grinned. He reached into the freezer and pulled one out, dumping it into his cart.

“How have you been?”

“Good,” Leslie smiled back at him. “College has been busy. But I actually got a 97 on a test I did a week ago, so I must be doing something right.”

She hesitated for a moment. “And how’s…things with Sam?”

Ben swallowed and looked down briefly at his hands. “The usual. She still works a lot. It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. It really wasn’t. Especially when he had Leslie standing in front of him, looking as beautiful as ever in her oversized Indiana University sweater and beaten up sneakers that looked like they could fall apart at any given moment. She was perfect.

He knew he had to know where she was. Just for closure. “And how’s things with…um…god, what was his name again?”

“Dave,” Leslie jumped in. “Yeah…things are ok. He’s been really busy, and I’ve been too. It’s just one of those things.”

Ben nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I know.”

Leslie gnawed at her bottom lip and looked back up at Ben. “So…”

“So…”

~~

The ice cream Ben had bought melted in its container in the back of the car.

He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Nothing could taste as sweet as right now with his head buried in between Leslie’s thighs.

Leslie pulled on his hair as she started to make small, high pitched noises. Ben licked and sucked aggressively, helping Leslie through her orgasm.

They had practically started making out there and then in the aisle of the store. They soon realised this wasn’t a wise move, and Leslie followed Ben back to his house instead. He knew Samantha wouldn’t be home until late, it was the perfect crime.

After Leslie’s orgasm had come to an end, she took a deep breath and beckoned Ben towards her. He crawled up, kissing every inch of exposed skin as he moved.

“I want to be on top,” Leslie told him, pushing Ben onto his back and straddling him.

Ben smirked. “Giddy up,” he said, smacking her thighs.

Leslie cackled. “You weirdo,” she said, and lowered herself, gasping at the stretch.

“You’re perfect,” Ben told her in a breathless sigh as she started to move. He held onto her hips, keeping her steady as she rocked back and forth.

This was the bed where he proposed to Samantha in, after they had spent all day painting the house. They’d just moved in and were exhausted, but it seemed right. Now it was the bed where Ben had cheated on her in.

The guilt didn’t hit until after they had finished. Leslie slowly pulled on her clothes, and Ben watched her.

“I’m sorry,” Leslie mumbled. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“Don’t apologise,” Ben said. “We both did it.”

“It’s not wise,” Leslie said, turning to face him. “What if Samantha walked in on us? It’s not fair on her.”

Ben sighed, looking down at Samantha’s side of the bed. “I know.”

“We shouldn’t do this again.”

Ben nodded. “I agree. Shall I show you out?”

“No, it’s ok. It was good to see you again,” Leslie said sadly, and left the bedroom.

Ben waited until he heard the door click shut before getting up. He stripped the bedsheets and tossed them in the washing machine.

The last thing he wanted was Samantha finding blonde hairs on her pillow.

~~

Another month passed.

Samantha was still working herself to death, and Ben continued to mope around, waiting for her to come home. He found solace in drinking, and found himself going to the bar near his house often. There, he could drink a beer and watch a couple of games on the TV, and not feel so alone.

Tonight, it was a terrible soccer game. There had been one goal, and that was accidental.

Ben drained his fourth beer, feeling a little drunk, when he noticed his phone buzz. Expecting it to be Samantha, he looked at it.

It was a text from Leslie.

_“I miss you.”_

“Fuck,” Ben muttered under his breath. He missed her too. Every day he’d come home from work, to his empty house, and wish she was there with him.

He wished she was next to him on the couch, telling her about his day. He wished she was there in the kitchen, helping him make dinner. He wished she was there in his bed, writhing and moaning as he touched her…

Ben was texting back before he could stop himself. He re-wrote the message about five times before he sent it.

_“I miss you too.”_

It didn’t take long for a response.

_“Do you want to meet?”_

Ben bit his lower lip. Alcohol coursed through his veins. He had to tell her he was a little drunk. Maybe she wouldn’t meet up with him if he told her that. Maybe that would stop them both from making another mistake.

 _“I’ve had a bit to drink, I’m a little drunk.”_ He replied.

_“I don’t care.”_

Ben rolled his head back. God, she was going to be the death of him. But there was no lie, he wanted her too. He missed her, and every passing day that he didn’t get to see her felt like hell.

He couldn’t risk another time at his house. Last time was dangerous and far too risky. And he really didn’t want to go back to her dorm room. Last time he was there a drunken freshman high fived him as he walked out of her room.

Then it popped into his head.

 _“Come to the Pawnee Super Suites motel. I’ll get a room.”_ He text back.

There was a long pause, and Ben thought he might’ve gone too far. He was half way through his fifth beer when he finally got a response.

_“I’m on my way.”_

Ben drained the rest of the beer. The room spun a little when he stood up, but he managed to walk out of the bar and hail a taxi. 

It was a short trip to the motel, but she’d beaten him to it. She was standing outside, looking cold.

Ben threw a fistful of money at the taxi driver and climbed out. Taking a deep breath as he walked towards her.

“How many beers have you had?” Leslie asked as he approached.

“Five.”

She grinned. “I can tell. I had two tequila shots before I left. Dutch courage.”

“Who drove you here?” Ben asked, suddenly worried of her drink-driving.

“Ann took me. She said to be careful,” Leslie said.

“I’ll take you back later, we can share a cab,” Ben told her. 

They both walked inside, and Ben paid for a room. He tried to ignore the scathing look of the receptionist as they walked back out of the reception and out towards their room.

It wasn’t the nicest. There was mould in the corners of the ceiling, and there was a weird smell. But it would do.

Ben was about to ask if Leslie wanted another drink, but she’d already leapt forward, wrapping his legs around his waist and kissing him fiercely.

He tumbled back onto the bed. This was probably the better choice. He wasn’t sure what alcohol he’d find in the old mini fridge in the corner of the room.

~~

They met twice a week.

Ben was starting to get used to the looks Geena the receptionist gave him as he booked the rooms each time. She was probably used to people coming here and having sex.

He told Samantha that he would be working late as well, just in case she caught on. It was possible, Ben had long nights at his firm too.

It became routine. Every Tuesday and Friday, Leslie would lie down on the mucky sheets at the Super Suites, and they’d have sex. Sometimes three times in one night, sometimes just once and they’d spend the rest of their stay cuddled together, while Ben played with her hair and listened to her talk about her day.

It had been almost two months of their affair. Ben had come home from work and taken a shower, ready to drive to the motel once again, when he heard the door click open. 

He froze. Samantha had come home early.

“Ben?”

He swallowed and slowly walked down the stairs. She was pulling off her coat and scarf and hanging them by the door.

“Where are you going?” She asked, noticing the shirt and pants he’d put on. 

“Just out to the bar with the guys,” Ben told her with a gentle smile.

“Oh,” Samantha mumbled. “I thought we could spend the night together. I came home early so I could see you.”

“Well, I have plans,” Ben told her a little coldly. “I didn’t realise you had fit me into your busy schedule.”

Samantha flinched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it’s supposed to mean, Sam,” Ben said. “You’ve been working late every night for like three months and now suddenly you want to spend time with me? That’s bullshit. You can’t just decide when you want me and when you don’t.”

Samantha clenched her fists. “I can’t help it. I’m a lawyer, there’s important cases going on that I need to be present for. I’m sorry for doing my job. What do you want me to do? Quit? Stay at home and wait on you hand and foot?”

“I want you to remember that a relationship involves two people,” Ben snapped. “Your bosses need to remember that you have a life outside of the office and that you need to have time off.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, you tell that to them.”

“You’ve got a backbone, you do it,” Ben hissed. “And when you decide what’s more important, let me know.”

He slammed the door shut, and didn’t look back until he pulled into the Super Suites parking lot. 

He stormed to the regular room, and was surprised to find Leslie waiting for him already.

“Geena just told me to come up and that we could pay on our way out,” Leslie said with a little smile. She soon frowned when she saw the angry look on Ben’s face.

“Are you ok?” she asked, stepping closer to him.

“I’m fine,” Ben quickly said, pushing her down to the bed and tugging off her clothes. He didn’t bother with foreplay, he just pushed straight into her, making Leslie scream.

~~

It was a Tuesday. Ben would be seeing Leslie again later.

It had been a few weeks since he and Samantha had their argument, and they barely talked. She stayed at the office and sometimes didn’t come home.

He was about to take his lunch break when he got a text on his phone.

“Come to the motel. We need to talk.”

Ben frowned. Leslie sounded serious. He drove there and walked into the room to see her sitting on the bed and looking pale. Her fists clenched on her lap.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” Ben asked, sitting next to her.

Leslie didn’t say anything. Instead, she uncurled her hands and revealed what she’d been holding.

A positive pregnancy test.

Ben felt the colour drain from his face. “Holy shit,” he gasped.

“I was a week late,” Leslie mumbled. “Ann made me take it. I don’t know what else to say, Ben. I don’t know what to do. How could this have happened? I’m on the pill, we used condoms. What are we going to do? Dave’s going to kill me! Sam’s going to kill you!”

Ben pulled her into his lap and shushed her softly. He ran his fingers through her hair and rocked her. “It’s ok. We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

He couldn’t help but notice the trembling in his own fingers as he spoke.

~~

It had been two days since they found out Leslie was pregnant.

Ben knew he needed to tell Samantha about their affair, especially since Leslie was going to the doctors today for a check-up, and to discuss her options. She didn’t want him to go with her. She wanted Ann to go instead.

He told her that she could do what she wanted, and that he’d stand by her decision. 

The drive back to his house was agonising. Ben knew as soon as he got home he’d have to plan exactly what to tell Samantha.

He put the key in the door and opened it to find a surprising sight.

Samantha was laying the dining table. He could smell her signature dish, chicken casserole cooking. She looked up when she heard the door open and smiled.

“Hey,” she said, smiling back at him. “I have some news to tell you.”

Ben noticed she was shaking a little.

“I quit my job,” Samantha said, her smile twitching nervously. “I just…had enough. I love being a lawyer, but you’re right. They were working me to the bone. And I just realised I didn’t want to be there anymore. Suddenly I felt like I wanted to be at home…with you. So I told them that, and they said that if I went home then I shouldn’t come back…so I left.”

She walked towards him. “I wouldn’t have done it without you telling me off the other night.”

Ben’s heart sank.

“But, look,” she rubbed her hands down his arms. “We’ve got savings. This is a good thing, ok? We can do all the things we’ve wanted to do, but couldn’t because work was in the way. I can do temping for a while. We could even move to Washington. We said we were always going to do that! We could have a fresh start there and forget everything?”

She looked so hopeful, and Ben knew he was going to have to ruin everything by telling her about Leslie’s pregnancy.

He swallowed. “Sam, I have to tell you something.”

He was cut off by his phone beeping. He quickly glanced down at his phone and saw in capital letters:

_“THE TEST WAS A FALSE POSITIVE. DON’T TELL HER ANYTHING. IT’S OK.”_

Ben suddenly felt like he might throw up on the spot. He’d never felt so relieved in his life. But this wasn’t ok. He almost ruined everything with Samantha because of his stupid affair. He looked back up at her face. Her beautiful, heart shaped face that he adored.

“Sam… I’ve never been so proud of you,” Ben finally said. And Samantha exhaled. 

“Oh thank God. You paused for so long I thought you were going to tell me that you were leaving me or something,” Samantha joked.

Ben forced a laugh.

“So I cooked dinner, I think we need to have a night in and talk about everything, just get it all out in the open, what do you think?” Sam asked, and Ben nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

He was still reeling from Leslie’s text. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and thought about replying, but he couldn’t. He still couldn’t accept the fact that he’d cheated on Samantha, and now she’d quit his job for him, and wanted his forgiveness. He was shamed.

Leslie was like a drug. A drug he couldn’t quit. And like an addict hooked, it was leaving a wake of destruction in his path. Ben knew what he had to do. He had to get clean.

~~

He met her in a café on the edge of town a week later.

It turns out the false positive was brought on by some antihistamines she’d taken for allergies, and the lack of her period was just from lack of sleep.

But neither of them were here to re-ignite their affair after the scare. They were here to be adult.

“We have to stop this,” Ben said softly.

Leslie took a deep breath and slowly nodded. “I know. That was… a really close call. But it was a wake-up call.”

Ben nodded in agreement. “We’re starting again. Me and Sam. I wanted to tell you in person, but we’re thinking of moving to Washington. Things are still really early, but it’s for the best.”

He noticed tears building in Leslie’s eyes. “I think it’s for the best too. But I’ll miss you.”

Ben smiled softly. “I’ll miss you too.”

He reached forward, taking her hand in his. “And just so you know, I don’t regret any of this. You were the best mistake I ever made.”

Leslie wiped her eyes with her free hand and giggled. “I was about to say the same thing to you.”

Ben smirked, and took his hand away. He stood up.

“I guess this goodbye, Ms Knope.”

“I think it is, Mr Wyatt.”

Ben turned away, handed the cashier a couple of bills for their coffee and walked back towards his car.

The cold air stung his eyes as he walked. He blamed that for causing his eyes to tear up.

~~

_Ten months later._

It was a Sunday morning. Ben was reading the paper at their dining table in their new house in Washington.

Samantha knew people there from Law School, and they put her in work in a firm they’d set up. They promised that they’d never force her to work any later than the hours in her contract. Ben had also found work at an accounting firm in Washington. It had worked out pretty well. 

It had been a whirlwind of a few months. In no time, Ben and Samantha had moved to Washington, putting their house on the market and finding their dream place. A few months later, they were married in a small ceremony, having used most of their wedding money on the move.

Ben heard the sound of a coffee mug on the table. He looked up from the paper and saw Samantha placing a mug of steaming coffee in front of him.

He smiled softly and reached forward. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Samantha said kindly. “Just because I can’t have it doesn’t mean I have to deprive you of it.”

She rested her hand on her slight bump. That was new too. Something that had happened on their honeymoon, Ben assumed. He was just glad they bought a house with extra bedrooms.

He never told Samantha about Leslie. He could never bring himself to.

It had been ten months, but Ben still thought of Leslie. Even now, with a pregnant wife, he still thought of her. She occupied a small part of his brain, and wouldn’t be leaving any time soon. 

He was sober now, sober from her. Every now and then he wondered what she’d be doing with her life, whether she’d still be doing amazingly at college, whether her and Dave worked out or not, or if she was seeing someone else. 

He wanted to look her up on Facebook, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was in remission, and if he saw her face again, he was worried that he’d fall back into old habits.

It was hard. But he was clean now, and need to look forward rather than backwards.

But, as clean as he was. He still missed her.


End file.
